by Christopher Grady
So a few years ago I asked Chris Reid if he would like me to hack his Wii for him. The purpose of this was so he could play some of the cool Homebrew software that was available at the time (and not to play Licensed games for free as he states in his little article – I would never support piracy of any kind… unless it takes place on the high seas). This resulted in what could be described as the near-genocide of Chris Reids Pokedex. Now I understand that it would be disheartening to lose all of those hours of work, but the notion that I harmed any (digitally) living creatures is just silly – in fact you could say that I saved hundreds of creatures from living a life of servitude and slavery, forced to do battle with any other creature that their master sees fit.
Just look at that face – I am sparing this stupid little egg-man from having to spend his entire existence as a puppet/punching bag.
Although some people may try to convince you that Pokemon enjoy battling we all know the truth: these animals are tortured, and breeding them simply for your own gain is the same as domesticating and growing animals for consumption – think about… I haven’t.
by Chris Reid
Four years ago in a house not too far from mine (much unlike Star Wars) an evil man named Christopher Grady attempted to wipe out the world of Pokemon.
First, a little background story…
I had my version of Pokemon Pearl for Nintendo DS for two years (since June 30, 2007). During that time I had amassed quite a collection. I had caught, trained, bred, traded and even gone to events for most of the 493 Pokemon that existed at that point. But when you’re trying to “Catch ’em all” and are limited to 540 Pokemon per game, space becomes a bit sparce. On top of wanting one of each species, some Pokes have different forms and all of my breeding took up a lot of space. So I was relieved when they came out with “My Pokemon Ranch” for Wii. I could now store up to 1,000 of those creatures on my Wii and have room to do whatever I wanted on the DS.
Now back to the regularly scheduled story…..
This horrifying tragedy started innocently enough when Grady offered to hack my Wii. Having a hacked Wii meant I could download games and put them on my Wii for free. It sounded like a wonderful idea (who doesn’t like the sound of FREE?). I arrived at his house and we were on a mission. We HAD to do this. So Grady went online and read some stuff while I sat and stared at the screen for a while… THEN once he had all the info he needed we started backing up all the save files onto an SD card. Unfortunately not all of them could be saved (guess what one of those files was)**. There were a few other hurdles to jump along the way, but Grady finally figured out what needed to be done. So he looked at me one last time and asked me “Are you sure that you want me to do this?” Before I could even answer, he pressed the A button. 1, 2, and… …Poof! He single fingerdly killed off over 300 defenseless digital beings.
If I was less of a man, a tear might have come to my eye. All those Pokemon… All that work… All those hours… lost. But Chris Reid is the embodiment of masculinity and therefore has no tears (yet plays Pokemon). Luckily for me, I had some forethought and (in case of such an accident) transferred one of each of my Pokemon back to my DS before I went to Grady’s house. *phwew*
So I, Christopher Reid, The Lone Trainer, with my DS as my proverbial Ark have had to repopulate the Pokemon world through massive inbreeding. It is my mission, it is my destiny, it is keeping women away.
**If you guessed “My Pokemon Ranch” you were correct!! To claim your prize please call 1-888-555-9842.
Dagoblah 